We’ve been talking a lot about classroom management – specifically, how to rationalize with students so that things don’t escalate out of control. I know that you’ve already gone over how you would assess certain situations, but I think it would be beneficial for me if you could break down your rationale for the following situations:
- You go over to ask a student for their homework, and he/she retorts with sarcastic remarks. You explain to the student that you are not being unreasonable with your request, and did not deserve to be treated that way. The student gives you an insincere apology, to which you don’t accept. The student tells you that it is your problem for not accepting the apology, and that he/she will not apologize again.
This is an issue of endurance - you lost the battle, but if you're going to win the war, you'll have to stay in the trenches. Being implacable/unflappable is something that takes time, but the more emotionally stable you can be, the better.
The key when a kid's giving you that kind of attitude is to make the entire discussion about actions:
"Okay, I understand you're upset right now, but take a second: think about whether you're making a move that's going to help you right now. That first apology wasn't one - you chose the wrong tone to make the argument that you were actually apologetic. This time, you've actually made things worse."
"I'm not enjoying this any more than you are - this is slowing both our days down. On the other hand, your inability to figure out this situation - to deal with a problem you caused when you over-reacted to a perfectly normal request - made it clear you needed my help. If you can't deal with someone in authority asking you for something normal, you clearly need help working on how to deal with your emotions - that's why I've stopped you, and that's why we're chatting now."
"Like I said, there's no need to be upset. Figure it out - what would be the right move to get you what you want right now? Is that tone really going to help you end this conversation? Okay, what tone would be more productive?"
Whatever answers you get, you just keep at it - calmly pointing out what the kid's doing that is making the interaction prolonged, how if he starts thinking carefully about how to manage his reactions he can get what he wants/needs, how he has the control to make some moves and get himself out of the situation, etc. The point is to get the kid to realize that this is an interaction that, depending on how he manages his emotional reactions, can be either easy and trivial or a HUGE pain in the butt.
The other key is to, NO MATTER WHAT, STAY CALM. I can't emphasize this enough. The more worked up a kid gets, the quieter, less confrontational, and more straightforward/matter-of-fact you should get. The kid sees every interaction as an emotional one - he's clearly upset, wired to blow, and unable to manage himself. By giving him the message that you're not bothered at all, you're just trying to help, and that he has the power, you defuse the only thing he's got that makes the interaction tough: pathos.
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